April 2018

I’ve been pondering my WLS journey and there have been so many highs and a few lows along the way. My time spent at FOHL has taught me so much about myself. Mentally and emotionally I feel stronger; more resilient and I now treat myself with compassion and kindness rather than contempt. I feel like I have finally hopped off that darn shame train that ruled my life. Then I have to ask myself; where can I improve?

Because since giving up smoking a year ago I have regained weight and when I’m completely honest about my weight gain I feel shame. My negative self talk is getting louder as my weight has increased. I work facilitating a programme I believe wholeheartedly in, so why isn’t it working for me? Why am I gaining weight? What is going wrong? Then, even as I read this I can see a flaw in this argument. Why isn’t it working for me? Can you see where my thinking has distorted here? The programme, no matter how good, can’t do the work for me. What I have learnt is knowledge and the only one that can implement that knowledge into action is ME!!!

So now that I’ve acknowledged that what can I do?

What I’ve learnt is this: ditch the shame and judgement around me gaining weight for a start. Next step is acknowledging it and accepting what has happened. I can choose to change the lens on how I view what has happened. I have made a commitment to healthier living by giving up smoking.

That’s self care. I can be pleased with that.

Next step is choosing to do the next best thing regarding my health and my weight. So I figured I would walk my talk and use the tools I’ve learnt. I have made a plan. I’ve written that plan down. A simple plan with micro actions that can set me up for success; not failure. This involves setting up an early morning routine which includes some meditation and exercise. Then shower, breakfast and sit down to write/work. Now, there is nothing too stressful or onerous about this plan. And it’s a plan that sets me up for the day. And I’ve noticed with a healthy and constructive early morning routine I have made better, healthier choices food wise. That’s the bonus of implementing a plan. Weight loss isn’t the sole focus but rather choosing self care has a flow on effect.

So I choose self care and compassion rather than beating myself up. I choose to take action. I chose to make a plan. And each day I choose progress. I am choosing to have the best life I can. I choose me.

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