May 2018

Last month I shared with you my battle with regain and my feelings of shame associated with it. There was something really powerful about acknowledging to you all how I had been feeling. It was acceptance.

I decided at the time to implement a plan to address some of the complacency which had led to the regain; lack of routine around meals, exercise, self care and work. Now I realise a plan is just that and without action it just ends up being a rather wistful wish list. I used acceptance once again. I accepted, without shame or judgement this time, that I am the captain of my ship and it’s up to me to stay on course. Veering off in the wrong direction won’t lead me the way I want to be heading. And only 'me' can take control.

It seems simple enough and it is I guess; I’m responsible for my actions. No one else. Go figure! And that by gently and compassionately tweaking my behaviour which included the negative self talk, I felt in a better position to make healthier choices. I have been moaning for months how I had noticed I was gaining weight yet nothing about my behaviour showed I was actively doing anything about it. Lightbulb moment for me! And so I set about making a few changes.

Now I haven’t started running or anything rash like that. Heck no! But I committed to doing 10,000 steps a day. That combined with some meditation, journal writing and concentrating on three high protein meals a day, I have seen a shift. In weight, pain, mood and focus. I have clarity again. It feels a lot like when we spring clean the house. Everything is fresh, renewed and feeling great. That’s not to say I think I have it all figured out and am now bulletproof. It means I’m making decisions based on self care rather than punishment. It means me being the observer of my thoughts, feelings and beliefs rather than the persecutor. It means aligning my actions with my values and that feels wonderful. It means walking my talk. It means accepting myself as not perfect and knowing I’m still worthy. It’s really just about noticing how I care for myself.

I’m proud of the progress I’m making. Yes I have got to the weight goal I set but I think more importantly, I’m proud of the mature way I stopped, observed, recognised, accepted and committed to making some changes. My physical and emotional health thanks me for it. I feel whole again. And I feel like I am enough just as I am. And that people, feels pretty wonderful. I do hope this encourages some of you who are struggling right now. There is always hope. And choosing to do the next right thing.